Emotionally Focused Therapy
Helps couples and individuals understand and transform the emotional responses that drive relational patterns and attachment needs.
What Is Emotionally Focused Therapy?
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is an attachment-based approach developed by Dr. Sue Johnson that goes deeper than communication skills or behavioral contracts. EFT recognizes that when couples fight about dishes, finances, or parenting, there's usually a more vulnerable conversation underneath: Do I matter to you? Can I count on you? Am I safe here?
With over 30 years of outcome research, EFT has an impressive track record: approximately 70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery, and 90% show significant improvement. These gains remain stable over time, distinguishing EFT from approaches where relapse is more common. While best known as a couples therapy, EFT has also been adapted for individuals (EFIT) and families (EFFT). At Restored Family Counseling, we use EFT to help couples move from patterns of conflict and disconnection toward deeper understanding and lasting emotional safety.
How Emotionally Focused Therapy Works
EFT unfolds across three stages. In Stage 1 (De-escalation), your therapist helps you identify the negative cycle trapping your relationship, like the pursue-withdraw pattern where one partner reaches through criticism while the other retreats in silence. Naming and externalizing this cycle transforms the dynamic from "us versus each other" to "us versus the cycle."
In Stage 2 (Restructuring Attachment Bonds), the deeper work happens. Your therapist helps each partner access the vulnerable emotions beneath reactive behaviors: the fear behind withdrawal, the loneliness behind criticism. These moments of honest emotional sharing create powerful reconnection that couples may not have experienced in years. Research shows these pivotal moments predict lasting positive outcomes.
Stage 3 (Consolidation) solidifies your gains by practicing new patterns, developing new narratives about your relationship, and learning to catch and interrupt your old cycle before it escalates.
What Emotionally Focused Therapy Can Help With
Relationship conflict and frequent arguments
Emotional disconnection and loneliness in relationships
Trust and betrayal issues, including infidelity recovery
Communication breakdowns between partners
Attachment insecurity and fear of abandonment
Parenting disagreements and co-parenting stress
Intimacy and emotional vulnerability difficulties
Relationship distress related to life transitions
Premarital concerns about relationship readiness
Rebuilding connection after emotional withdrawal
Is Emotionally Focused Therapy Right for You?
EFT is ideal for couples stuck in repetitive patterns of conflict or distance who want to rebuild genuine closeness and trust. It's particularly effective for recovering from betrayal (infidelity, broken promises, or moments where one partner felt abandoned at a critical time). The attachment framework provides a compassionate way to understand the pain and a structured path toward rebuilding safety.
Couples facing major life transitions (new parenthood, career changes, caring for aging parents) also benefit greatly, as EFT builds a secure base that supports both partners through upheaval. EFT is also highly effective when one or both partners struggle with depression, anxiety, or trauma, and research shows that improving the relationship through EFT can significantly reduce individual symptoms. While primarily a couples therapy, EFIT (individual EFT) is available for those wanting to explore their attachment patterns and prepare for healthier relationships.
What to Expect in Sessions
Your first few sessions focus on assessment and building trust with your therapist. You'll meet together and possibly individually so your therapist can understand each person's experience and begin identifying the negative cycle driving your distress. Expect your therapist to be warm, genuine, and actively engaged, not passively listening, but gently guiding conversations toward the emotional undercurrents beneath your interactions.
As therapy progresses, sessions become more emotionally intense. Your therapist will help each of you share feelings you may have been guarding: fear, sadness, loneliness, shame. These moments of vulnerability can feel uncomfortable but are where the most meaningful change happens. Your therapist provides support throughout and helps your partner respond in ways that create new experiences of connection.
A typical course of EFT ranges from 8 to 20 sessions. Sessions are usually weekly, lasting 50-60 minutes, though some couples opt for extended 75-90 minute sessions for deeper work. By the end, most couples report feeling significantly closer, more emotionally safe, and better equipped to navigate future challenges together.
Frequently Asked Questions
Related Approaches
Explore other therapeutic modalities that complement Emotionally Focused Therapy.
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