Gottman Method Couples Therapy

The Gottman Method is built on over 40 years of scientific research by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, who observed thousands of couples in their "Love Lab" to identify exactly what makes relationships succeed or fail. This is not theory-based guesswork. It is grounded in direct observation and longitudinal data. At Restored Family Counseling, our Gottman-trained therapists use this framework to help couples at every stage, from building a strong foundation to rebuilding after crisis.

Their research identified the "Four Horsemen" (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) as the most reliable predictors of relationship failure. Contempt alone predicts divorce with over 90 percent accuracy. The Gottman Method teaches you to recognize these patterns in your own relationship and replace them with healthier alternatives known as their "antidotes": gentle startup, building a culture of appreciation, taking responsibility, and physiological self-soothing. Learning to spot and interrupt these destructive patterns is often the first turning point couples experience in therapy.

The method is organized around the Sound Relationship House, a model of seven essential components of a healthy partnership. The foundation includes Building Love Maps (deep knowledge of each other's inner world), Sharing Fondness and Admiration (active respect and appreciation), and Turning Toward (responding positively to each other's bids for connection). Research shows that couples who consistently turn toward each other's bids have dramatically higher satisfaction. Above the foundation are Managing Conflict, Making Life Dreams Come True, and Creating Shared Meaning. Trust and Commitment hold everything together.

Therapy begins with a structured assessment spanning two to three sessions: questionnaires, a joint session discussing your relationship history and a current disagreement, and individual sessions with each partner. This comprehensive evaluation gives your therapist a multidimensional picture of your relationship's strengths and growth areas. From there, ongoing sessions combine guided conversations, psychoeducation, skills practice, and structured exercises designed to rebuild connection, repair trust, and transform how you navigate conflict together.